How to maximize your take in a lawsuit.

Many of you may have heard this story by now:

Woman who found finger at Wendy’s files claim against franchise

Well, here are some tips that will help you, should you ever find anything out of the ordinary in your food at a restaurant. This would also work if you were dining at someone’s residence that you don’t like.

1. Upon discovery of the foreign object, be sure to jump up and exclaim loudly, “Oh My God, there is a (insert object here) in my (insert food here). The primary goal of this step is to ensure that as many people as possible hear you. It would also be advisable to hold up the offending object for all to see.

2. Vomit. Vomit allot. It is critical here that you demonstrate severe physical distress. The more vomiting, the more damage. The caveat here is that you don’t want to get vomit on other bystanders. Remember that your goal here is to increase your take in the deal, not to include others. To vomit on someone might cause them emotional distress and give them a valid reason to join your suit. (On a side note, look for my upcoming guide, “How to get included in a lawsuit that someone else might file, and maximize your share of the take.”)

If you find it difficult to vomit, then you need to have a fit. Just totally freak out. Try flailing your arms around while wimpring or screaming, swiping all the items on the table off the table, or even crawling under the table and pretending that your are an animal of some sort. Let’s say you pretend you are a cat, and hiss and claw at those who try to help or calm you. When the police and or paramedics arrive, make sure to fend them off for at least an hour.

You can always vomit, and then have a fit, but that might be overkill, and also traumatize others in the area, and remember, you don’t want to share.

3. Now, we need to establish the emotional trauma. This is where the real goldmine is. It is impossible for the defense to determine whether or not you are actually suffering from emotional distress, so naturally, you are. And it’s severe. As a matter of fact, the food the foreign object was discovered in was, up until the incident, your favorite food, and you are now unable to even think of that food without weeping. Additionally, the trauma has left you impotent (or with no sexual drive whatsoever, if female), unable to drive a car, or ride in a passenger vehicle of any kind as that is how you arrived at the restaurant where the tainted food was served, and so on. You get the idea, use your imagination.

Using these tips, and a little creativity of your own, you will be able to make sure that your settlement is the maximum possible for the situation. Don’t give up on the first offer, remember your emotional trauma that will terrify them and make them not want to go to court.

Keep these things in mind the next time that you are served hot coffee or walking down an icy sidewalk in front of a profitable and cash rich company. Always do your research. Examples of bad places to attempt this would be mattress stores, furniture stores, Mom & Pop stores, etc. These places typically don’t have much cash, and the settlement will be substantially smaller than what a big national chain would be able to produce.

Remember, the system was created for you to abuse, so abuse it well.

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